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Thu Jan 15, 2015 10:51 pm by Spoodnick

New plot thread up in Europe. This affects the world as a whole, if you are in any faction you may want to check it out.

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Cassius Black "Dusk"

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Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by ZyxNova on Thu Jul 03, 2014 9:18 pm

Character

Name:Cassius Black “Dusk”

Age:17

Gender:Male

Occupation/Faction:Portatore Di Morte

Hobbies: Dusk hones his skills in his spare time by strengthening his Whips and whip skills.

Appearance: Dusk is 6 Foot tall with white skin and black hair that goes down to his collar. He wears a Black leather hoodie with white stripes down the sleeves and across his chest, as well as a grey fabric hood. He wears Long White leather pants and black boots, all of which are Kevlar weaved.

History: Dusk was a very... odd child, nobody really understood him. He was an orphan from a very young age, and his name wasn't Dusk at first, it was Thomas. Dusk was always shy and was very quiet, never sharing in class and never participating in whole class activities, this made him a bit of an outcast and disliked by the teachers, he was different, and for that, he was picked on. At the age of fourteen was when it was the worst though, he was bullied by a particular gang of students that called themselves "The Shadows". This group was comprised of 4 students, 3 males and a female. When Dusk tried to confront the teachers, they ignored him and did nothing about the problem, but hope was not fully lost. The female in the gang, Jade, was the only one that didn't make fun of him, she knew how it felt to be different. Her power was to charge objects with kinetic energy. One day, Dusk was sitting alone outside the front gate of the school when he heard someone walk up behind him, it was Jade, she sat down next to him and looked at him. "Hey, I'm sorry about my friends, they can be real assholes sometimes." Dusk looked at Jade, then spoke with a quiet tone "Why are you talking to me, won't you get in trouble if they find out, the might start to pick on you too." Jade gave a warm smile and spoke"I don't care if they start to pick on me and kick me out of the gang, I am nicer then them, I deserve the independence. Ill be your friend in secret, just between us." Jade gave another smile, stood and walked away. After that moment, Dusk began to feel something, something he had never felt before, it was love. Over time, Dusks love for Jade became more and more overwhelming, she was the only person that actually cared about him, but Dusk’s happiness was short lived.

A few days after Dusk found his new liking for Jade, he overheard that group she hung around with yelling at her, "Why were you hanging around with that freak" said one of them, "You're gonna pay for that, we hate him, and now we hate you, get out of our sight" said one of the others, then he saw Jade run out of the room, tears streaming down her face, he reached out and grabbed her hand, but she shook him off and kept running. The next morning, Dusk was walking to school when he heard a scream, it was Jade, he ran to where he heard the scream, he ran around the corner just in time to see Jade being suspended in mid-air by one of the 3, the other two hurling stones at her head using telekinesis. One of the two telekinetic guys picked up a huge rock and hurled it at her, Dusk turned away, he couldn't bare to watch, he put his hand up and yelled, “DON’T DO IT, STOP”, but he didn’t expect them to listen. He was waiting to hear a loud 'thud', but instead heard one of the guys say, "what the hell, what is that kid". Dusk opened his eyes to see a long whip of darkness holding the stone, only inches away from Jade’s head, he took the chance and slammed the stone into one of the telekinetic heads, killing him instantly, he then turned his attention to the second telekinetic, who was running towards him with a knife in his hand. Just as the second kid was about to stab him, he pulled the whip and wrapped it around the knife, redirecting it into the second kids chest. The third guy, an air manipulator, pulled the knife out of his friend’s chest and let Jade drop to the ground, the air manipulator ran over to her and held the knife to her throat, not realising that it was actually cutting. He spoke with a mix of rage and sorrow in his voice "Don't you dare move, I don't want to kill her, but I will!"

The air manipulator looked down to see Jade choking on her own blood. A shocked look on his face began to form as he realised what he had done. After the sound of Jade choking on her own blood had come to an end, the air manipulator looked up at Dusk and frowned, "I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to kill her, but at least you can understand how I feel now, you killed my friends remember." Without warning, Dusk let out a loud, bloodcurdling scream, and a maelstrom of whips extended out from his sleeves, lashing out and grabbing the air manipulator and tearing him apart. Dusk stopped screaming and looked down, he saw the mess he had made, all the blood splattered across the walls of the alley he was standing in, his whips shielding him from the splatter. He realised what he had done, and he ran, and ran until he was far enough away so that no one would suspect it was him that had just killed three kids effortlessly, and then he realised how easy it was. But none the less, people would be wondering what had happened. So Dusk went into hiding, and he stayed in hiding until he was 16 years old. After 2 years of solitude, constantly moving from place to place, hitching rides on trains and sneaking into motel rooms, stealing food from unsupervised stores to provide himself with the basic needs to survive, he decided that he would finally go out and live life like a normal person again. The first thing Dusk did was change his name from Thomas Finley to Cassius Black. Next, he joined the Portatore Di Morte, earned the codename Dusk, and was quickly premoted to the rank General. This was how began his new life on the front lines of the battle for total world supremacy.

Personality: Dusk is very quiet and personal, he doesn't talk much and will only speak unless spoken to. He likes to keep to himself and has poor communication skills. However, he puts these aspects of his personality aside when he is on the battlefield, practically making him a whole different person, he will shout orders at others and will be open to discuss battle plans and tactics as it is part of his role in the ongoing war between factions.

Powers

Power: Umbrakinetic Whip Generation: The ability to control darkness and morph it into semi fast moving whips that reach a minimum of 1 metre and a maximum of 3 metres. Dusk can create Whips of pure darkness that constrict and lacerate foes.

Drawbacks: Dusk's can only unleash a cap of 10 Whips at a time but has the capacity to release more, however, any more whips after the initial 10 become weaker and less durable, making them easy to destroy.

Capabilities: Umbrakinetic Whip generation is Dusks primary way of fighting. He uses the whips to grab foes and throw them around, or slash them apart little by little. When used effectively, the whips are extremely lethal and highly dangerous weapons to go up against.

Category: Offense

Type: Regulation


Last edited by ZyxNova on Sun Jan 18, 2015 9:49 am; edited 15 times in total
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Thu Jul 03, 2014 11:50 pm

This is not finished because you don't have an appearance yet, you say you'll get one, but as I see it you have two choices:
1) Describe your character, words are you friend.
2) Put the Work In Progress tag in the title. [WIP]

The history's fine but your personality has too little words, you need a serious word buff in the Capabilities section and your template's a little outdated. Here.
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by ZyxNova on Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:15 pm

I added the [WIP] tag to the name and have added a bit more to both the capabilities and the personality, hope the amount I added was enough.
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Thu Jul 10, 2014 4:45 am

Okay there are a few problems I have with your power section but everything else is fine. (Aside from one again the appearance but eh, you better hurry up with that.) The problems I do have with your powers are pretty major. I implore you to recheck the Guide to Powers if you haven't already. The problems arise when it comes around to your category being Fabrication and the lack of description on how he can control his Umbra whips. You have chosen Fabrication as your power's category however if you do choose this he can not control his whips. Are the whips sentient just like Alexander's. One more thing, a majority of your "Power" description has been devoted to attacks your power can do, which is not condoned. the Power heading is meant to be a description of what the power IS, not what it can do. You can use these "special attacks" in battles and RPing, just don't write it down on the app.
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Tue Sep 09, 2014 12:25 pm

Rereading through this I have found several problems contained in your history, though they are nitpicks I would like to point them out.

1) Why does a group of four little kid bullies have a name? Was that really necessary?

2) Those 'bullies' are not bullies. They are not problem children. They are literally insane. No kids at all would actually murder some-one like that, it seems kind of off that they instantly just think like 'You hang out with this kid we don't like but don't kill because we are kids not murderers. Time to die!'

3) You need to be more specific with your powers. Does he actually create whips made out of darkness, as in the weapon type of whip or are they tentacles?

4) Once again you seem to be misunderstanding the 'Capabilities' section. It is meant to be what your power can do, what it is capable of. Being able to 'create up to a cap of 30 sharp whips out of pure darkness. With these whips, Dusk is able to constrict or lacerate his enemies, either crushing there bones, or slashing their skin until the are barely recognizable.' Is once again teetering too much into a special attack rather than what your power can do.

5) You said he can create up to a cap of 30, but then said 20 vastly drains his adrenaline. Theoretically this should kill him. Or at the very least, tear his body apart.

6) You seem to have just set up the girl that died for a forced berserk switch, a thing you can activate to go ballistic and boost your strength. A rage mode if you will.

These are all legitimate criticisms, so please change them or do something about it. Also I'm still awaiting your appearance, if you can't provide a picture please ad a description.


Last edited by Spoodnick on Thu Nov 20, 2014 5:32 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by njrk97 on Fri Sep 12, 2014 5:01 pm

Bouncing of Spoodnicks here.

Yeah the kid thing is kinda a issue, my suggestion is boosting the 'gangs' age upwards to teenagers since that is commonly seen as the time when people can get in the 'bad' crowd as such and would be more inclined to pick on kids. That way you can still keep the killing thing but its more justified, the only issue is you then having to work around your characters friend in another way then being part of the gang.

The other issue I believe exists is that you don't ever mention whether all the kids hate him, or is it just the group. With it only being the group it makes sense since he is an easy target. If you do kick there age up of the group you can also have him being picked on out of school which would mean that teachers and stuff couldn't stop it since its out of school.

Another note, what about his parents? Seems kinda important since he is being bullied and stuff and you never mention his family if he has any(Or whether he's a orphan, adopted or still in the orphanage)

Overall great effort but just fix the stuff we have listed up to help immerse his plight in the world more and make it more natural in universe.

(quick other other note: powers don't generally come out until around puberty, sorry its not listed right now but thought id mention it if you wanted change stuff(yet again wont be a issue if you make them a teenage gang))
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Fri Nov 21, 2014 2:02 pm

adrenaline can't be drained, that's not how it works. The site goes off of how adrenaline works in the real world, a sudden burst of energy when your body thinks it's life is in danger. During this burst of energy your powers can be used to their fullest potential, while they can be utilized normally they are of a lesser strength than they would be if they were feeding off adrenaline. I say this because your Drawbacks section is fairly flawed, saying it 'drains' adrenaline. A simple solution would be just capping the amount of whips he can create to 5 or so, because having a whole plethora of super fasty slicey things could be considered overpowered.
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Thu Nov 27, 2014 6:54 pm

If you're going to ignore complaints and keep the whole 30 thing don't even add the 10 cap. It's incredibly contradictory.

"Dusk's can only unleash a cap 10 Whips at a time but has the capacity to release more, however, Having 30 or more whips out at a time will pretty much kill him."

"Umbrakinetic Whip generation allows Dusk to create up to a cap of 30 sharp whips out of pure darkness."

What is the actual cap? Have it legitimately so he can't make anymore than 10 or else it'll be too OP.
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Re: Cassius Black "Dusk"

Post by Spoodnick on Sun Jan 18, 2015 9:53 am

Accepted, finally. PP is 1379.

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